running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
