I wanna bring you to show and tell
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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