i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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