The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
