Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
