see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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