Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
