Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
