Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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