she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
