Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
