he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
