Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
