real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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