I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
