Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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