i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
