Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
