lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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