you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
