Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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