ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
