I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
