community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
