So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
