Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
