How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
