LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
