why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
