He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
