He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
