Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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