thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
