I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
