Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
