its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
