ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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