My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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