as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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