official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
