If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize