Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
