You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
