Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
