I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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