So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
