Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
