drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
