My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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