I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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